just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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