and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
