Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize