Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
