make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
