Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i love accidental penises.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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