Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I will die if light touches me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
