I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
