he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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