I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A+ Viking dick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
