So drunk its hurt
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
its liver damage thursday
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize