Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
