it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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