Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
not ubering you a puppy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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