Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
