we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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