Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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