He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
