that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
