so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
