I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize