Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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