Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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