Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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