Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Help. Why am I so naked?
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