my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
