if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
