I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
