I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
