I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
