help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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