Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
