And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
