On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
