Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
