He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
