Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
