Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
