If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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