i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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