Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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