shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
