I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize