Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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