If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
