And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
