I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize