Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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