this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My vagina is officially offended.
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