I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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