Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My ass is underappreciated
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
