Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize