My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
