You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
