Me too!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
