So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
