if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
