I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I want to fling myself into the sun
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
