i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
