So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
