sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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