What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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