I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
