they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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