I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
