I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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