Tell her she can't have a vagina
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
