haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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