i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
