Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize