just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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