you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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