Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm having to shit out rocks
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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