Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
