I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
