a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
