Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
