We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
