Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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