Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
