the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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