I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was born a porn star she said
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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