If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
