no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
