Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize