we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize