RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
