so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
