Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
