god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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