I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I faked an abortion last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
