ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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