im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the day after is always just damage control
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
