windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
