My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
