did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
