Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
