i think i have herpe
just one?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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