Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
