Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
