She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
