coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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