My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
